'You know, the first sign of insanity is when inanimate objects talk to you. I saw Return of the Living Drunk whip his head up out of the corner of my eye while I filled the glasses. 'Are you speaking to anyone in particular or do your shot glasses usually respond?' I asked without looking up as I added a few more shot glasses to the tray and reached under the bar for the bottle of Wild Turkey, trying not to make gagging noises as I unscrewed the top and the disgusting smell wafted up to my nose. And if he pukes on my bar I’m going to rub his nose in it like a dog that shit on the carpet.

I started lining up the shot glasses on my tray when I heard the drunken moaner speak. What is wrong with these people? Cheap whiskey equals a bad hangover and having the craps all the next day. I rolled my eyes and went to the end of the bar where we kept all of the whiskey. One of the waitresses brought in an order for ten shots of the cheapest whiskey we had. on the customers here tonight and what they were drinking, he left to go home and I got to work getting refills for the regulars. Once I was behind the bar and got the skinny from T.J. I jogged past some poor drunk schmuck that held his head in his hands, moaning, and made a mental note to call him a cab if he was here by himself. I had to do it the right way and go under the hinged, lift-top part of the bar at the opposite end. On a slow night, I would have just hopped my ass up onto the bar and swung my legs around to get behind it, but the place was packed tonight. I didn't think I could handle seeing a couple of these guys in tiny shorts with their hairy balls popping out of the leg holes. Thankfully the men didn't have to wear the same uniform. I ran behind Liz already seated on a stool at the bar sipping her usual drink of vanilla vodka and Diet Coke and waved to T.J., the bartender I was taking over for tonight.

Seduction and Snacks by Tara Sivec